Survival
by andersex
Summary: Post 2x12. Dealing with the aftermath of Bart's accident. Chuck is just trying to survive, will he open enough to let her help in? Or is he destined to be alone forever? BxC


**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything. Except my ipod

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He stared into the bottom of the shot glass as he twirled it between his fingers, watching as the amber colored liquid spilled out onto the table. He leaned on his elbows and sighed, blowing a stray hair out of his line of vision as he signaled for the bartender to bring him another one. He couldn't remember how long he had been sitting there, staring at the picture in front of him. It wasn't even a good picture, it was blurry and distorted…well, it could have been a perfect picture, but he never would have been able to tell after all the alcohol he had ingested over such a short period of time. He felt the urge to cry come over him and he winced, grabbing the shot that the bartender had placed in front of him and downing it instantly while motioning for another one. The bartender gritted his teeth but went behind the bar to get the drink; he knew that causing trouble with Bart Bass' son would do him no good, even if the kid was underage.

"Chuck" He heard her call from behind him, placing her small hand on his shoulder blade. He recoiled from her touch and almost fell off the bar stool, she was the last person he expected to see here, especially after the last time they had met there.

"_I've got no one left to turn to but you" she said softly, giving him a wavering smile. She was trying to remain strong; she didn't want him to see her cry._

"Actually, you don't even have me" He didn't know why he said it, why the urge to hurt her had overcome the urge to hold her in his arms and never let go. He was Chuck Bass, and she made him look like a fool, his stupid pride couldn't just let it go. So suffer, they both would.

"Waldorf" he muttered as he continued to stare blankly at the empty shot glass in front of him. "Didn't think I'd see you here"

"Yes, well" she said as she slid into the seat next to him. She motioned to the bartender to bring her a drink and she looked over at Chuck, waiting for him to look up at her. He didn't.

"Well, what?" he said, still not looking up. "Why are you here?"

"I thought you might need me" she said quietly as she placed her hand on his knee, trying to be reassuring, he assumed. It wasn't working.

"Look, Blair" he trailed off, still not taking his eyes off of the shot glass in front of him. "I don't want to talk about it now, or ever. So I don't see why you're wasting your time"

She sighed and pushed a lock of her golden brown hair behind her hair, she had changed so much in the past week, he almost couldn't believe she was the same person. It wasn't just that her hair was different, she looked like she had gained some weight, which was good because he had always thought that she was a little too petite for his taste. He shook his head, trying to get the thoughts of Blair's curvaceous body out of his head. He couldn't deal with her right now; he couldn't even deal with himself. He hadn't seen her since the night of the snowflake ball, and he hadn't realized how much he had missed her. It wasn't as if she hadn't tried to get in contact, because she had left message after message after message at the front desk, they all had, but he really didn't feel up to answering them. Hell, most days he didn't even get out of bed, today was a good day; and that was spent at the bar.

"I care about you" she whispered, caressing his leg gently. He cursed his body's reaction to her dainty hand and pushed her hand off of his leg, finally turning around to look at her. He looked at her a few seconds, long enough for her to breathe in sharply, before he turned his gaze back down to the shot glass. He heard her breath get heavier and he assumed that she was trying to hold back her tears; he sighed and motioned for the bartender to bring them two new drinks. He knew how bad he looked, but he couldn't find it in him to care, he honestly couldn't. His eyes had bags around them, his cheeks were gaunt and his color was starting to fade. The trademark Bass smirk was almost impossible to see, for his face seemed to be fixed in a permanent frown. He was starting to get frown lines around his mouth and the wrinkles on his forehead were more pronounced, as if he had been thinking way too hard way too often. Some days when he looked into the mirror he wasn't entirely sure if it was even the same person looking back at him, today was one of those days.

"Don't" he said, pushing her hand off his leg and putting it in her lap. He wasn't sure if he was asking her to stop the hand movements, to stop asking questions, or both. Her lip was quivering and he saw her hand go up and swipe away a few stray tears. He tried to pretend that she wasn't crying, but the fact that the tears were staining her cheeks made him want to hit himself, mad that he had caused the beautiful girl in front of him to cry. He sighed softly and turned around, wiping away a few of the stray tears with the back of his hand. She looked up at him with a smile on her face, an unwritten declaration of love written in her eyes. He wanted to return it so badly, to make everything between them work, but he knew that things between them would never work, and he just couldn't deal with any additional heartache. Not right now.

"_The reason that we can't say those three words isn't because they aren't true" he said quietly as he got closer to her. "It's because when we say them it won't be the beginning of something, but the end"_

"Chuck, please." She said quietly. "Please, let me help you." Before he could even say anything, she had leaned in and planted her lips on his. It wasn't a fiery I-want-you-now kind of kiss, it was a kiss that you could lose yourself in for hours, passionate but not fast. It was over in seconds and she was looking at him expectantly waiting for him to say something, but he didn't know what she wanted him to say. He didn't even know what he wanted to say. She twirled a lock of hair between her thumb and her finger as she bit her lip, as if what she was about to say was causing her extreme grief.

"I love you" she said, clearly and confidently. When he looked into her eyes, he wasn't seeing the ending that he had once thought their relationship would come to. He saw promise, trust, and…if he could dare think it, love. She didn't wait for him to say anything back, which was good because he honestly didn't know what he would say. She leaned in again and kissed him, and he kissed her back. After a few moments he pulled away and straightened his tie, sighing as he realized what was happening in an hour. He stood up shakily and allowed Blair to help him. He wasn't drunk, not yet anyway, but by the end of the night he hoped that he would be. She helped outside to where the limo was waiting; _she must have called the driver_ he mused silently as they drove along. When they arrived at their destination she got out first and waited for him to get out after her before she clasped his hand and they walked, well she walked and dragged him along with her, towards the spot where everyone else was standing.

"Are you ready?" she asked quietly as they approached the large group assembled in the cemetery. He just shook his head as they approached Serena, Eric, Lily, and Aaron. Serena hugged Blair and Dan shook Chuck's hand before giving him a hug. He tried to hug Eric but his body just wouldn't co operate. After a few hello's everyone sat down in their seats and prepared themselves for the service, Bart's funeral service.

---

He woke up with a jolt as he took in his surroundings; he was lying in a bed that wasn't his own. He looked around the room and sighed in relief as he realized that he was in Blair's room, and was surprised to find that she wasn't currently in it. He clutched his head with his left hand, personally shocked that he had someone achieved hangover status. He drank so often and so much that he had pretty much become immune to hangovers, until now anyway. He leaned back onto the bed and buried his head under the pillow, trying to block out the bright rays from the sun. However his escape from the sun didn't last long because Blair had re entered the room, cheerful as always, with some Tylenol and a bloody marry. He couldn't remember a time when he had loved her more.

"Thank you" he said quietly as he took the Tylenol and downed the bloody marry. He cringed at the taste of the tomato juice and leaned back onto the bed as the room was enveloped in silence. Blair looked like she wanted to say something but was hesitant to do so. He looked over at her, perched on the bed as if she was ready to bolt at any given moment, and raised an eyebrow, silently asking her to explain why she was in a state of unease.

"You said something" she said, trailing off, staring at the floor. "Last night, at the…reception" he just nodded, he had been pretty hammered. He vaguely remembered Nate and Aaron dragging him out the door after he had shared a particularly horrid anecdote that involved walking in on his father fucking one of his many conquests and being asked if he 'wanted a turn'.

"You said…that you loved me" she said, finally turning to look over at him, as his eyes widened in surprise. He knew that he loved her, he didn't doubt that. But to have said it in public? Not very Chuck Bass. He wracked his brain, trying to think of when he might have said it, and then the memory hit him.

"_There you go Blair, one Chuck Bass severely intoxicated at your service" Nate said with a laugh as he and Aaron put Chuck onto Blair's bed. She just rolled her eyes and told them to leave, that she would take care of things herself. They both just shrugged their heads and left the room, it was best not to question a Waldorf._

"You always take care of me" Chuck slurred as she helped him take off his suit coat and his tie. "You're always there, and that's why I love YOU, Blair Waldorf, you!" She looked at him in shock and couldn't help but smile as she saw that he was, conveniently, out like a light.

"Yes, I did" he said, unconsciously aware that they were getting closer and closer.

"Did you mean it?" she breathed, and his breath hitched when she bit her lip.

"Yes" With that one word she had closed the space between them and had planted her lips on his, moaning as his lips massaged hers. They fell back onto the bed as they continued kissing, until she started to unbutton his shirt. He looked up at her, and his eyes glimmered faintly for the first time since his father had died.

"Are you sure?"

She rolled her eyes and kissed him as she continued unbuttoning his shirt.

**WARNING: SEX SCENE HERE. SKIP IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT.**

He kissed her neck as she pulled his shirt off of his body and threw it off of the bed. She wrapped her legs around his waist and moaned as he continued sucking on her neck. He couldn't help but grin, after he had pulled off her dress, when he realized that she was wearing the exact same slip that she had been wearing that night at Victrola. When she saw the grin on his face she attacked his mouth with hers and started unbuttoning his belt as he slipped the slip off of her shoulders, allowing it to pool around her waist. She climbed off of his lap and finished pulling the slip off, moaning in desire as his mouth lowered down to her breast and started to suck on her nipple. She moaned, undid his belt, sliding his pants off and allowing him to kick them off.

He slid his fingers down to the top of her underwear and slowly pulled them off, flinging them with his hand. She moaned in pleasure as his hand started massaging the area around her vagina. She leaned back against the bed as he positioned himself on top of her, allowing his hand to slowly work its way closer and closer to her vagina. He continued kissing her neck as he inserted a finger into her vagina. She gyrated into his hand as the emotions whirled inside of her. She could feel her orgasm approaching so she pulled off his boxers and gripped his erection in her hand, stroking it gently. He groaned and repositioned himself at her entrance, pushing it with a moan as she bucked against him. They moved together, thrusting and moving together as they climaxed together in a heat of passion.

**SEX SXENE: OVER**

He collapsed next to her on the bed, breathing heavily. She curled up next to him and he smiled as he watched her fall asleep. Things had been tough lately, with his father's death and the struggles that he and Blair had been having, but for the first time that he could remember he actually had something that he thought he would never have; hope.

He felt her stir next to him and he paused the movie on TV, Velvet Goldmine, as he brushed her locks away from her face as she woke up. She sat up, her eyes shining brightly. "I hear Brian Slade"

"I know you love Tiffany's, but I thought you might want to watch one of my favorite's today. If that's okay with you" She just nodded as the two of them settled into the bed, wrapped up in each others arms, watching a movie about love that just never seemed to last. He had always felt bad for Brian Slade, a character who had love but could never hold onto it, something that they had in common. Yet now as he watched it, he couldn't help but feel that Brian had the love that he so desperately wanted, he just couldn't see that it was real.

He looked over at Blair and he could tell that she was thinking the same thing that he was. He leaned forward and captured her lips with his own and it was then that he finally felt whole, more whole than he had ever felt before. He knew that he was never going to be the same, he was an orphan after all, but with Blair by his side…well, he just might make it after all.  
_  
Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping_

_I'll listen to your breathing, amazed at how I somehow managed to_

_sweep you off of your feet girl, your perfect little feet girl_

_I took for granted what you do_

_But I'll do better, I know, baby I can do better_

_If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone_

_Dont tell me I will make it on my own_

_Dont leave me tonight_

_This heart of stone will sink till it dies_

_If you leave me tonight_

_Don't you know my heart is pumping?_

_Oh it's putting up a fight_

_And I've got this feeling that everything's alright_

_Don't you see? I'm not the only one for you_

_But you're the only one for me _


End file.
